CAPTURED AGAIN

Captured again has probably the most specific ‘story’ behind it out of any song of mine right now. I lived this song; and, oddly enough, wrote the words before I even actually gave in and obeyed them myself!

I was pastoring in Greenwich CT at the time, and I remember my pastor was speaking a series on the Israelites’ exodus fromEgypt. One week stood out to me. The Israelites had brought the earrings they had acquired in Egypt with them. Not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but they were a symbol of their old life in captivity. God wanted them to get rid of them. They did not, and as a result, it was those very earrings that they melted down later to create the golden calf they decided to worship instead of God. Their small indiscretions left unchecked became a major issue down the road. This and other thoughts set in motion a bit of a struggle between me and God.

Just prior to this I had begun a collection. I love movies. They are a weakness of mine that I have to constantly keep in check. Too often I live in extremes. In the case of movies I would generally know what movies are currently in production, who’s making them, when they’re coming out – all the movie news. You get the point. I can be obsessive compulsive about the things I like. Thank God for my wife who has slowed my parade to each and every opening night! But now I had just joined Columbia house and got an opening deal of a bunch of movies with a few more to buy. My collection wasn’t massive - maybe a dozen movies were lined up neatly on the shelf. But I loved those movies. They were my favorites. I didn’t even need to watch them, I was just proud to have them there lined up under the TV. How great.

But there was a problem. I liked them TOO much. Not only that, but what good did they serve in my life? Having them there just meant I was more prone to waste another 2 hours at a time watching them than ever before. Also, if there was anything negative in those movies (and isn’t there always?) I’ll be letting that affect me even more than ever before. The Holy Spirit was working on my heart. I needed to get rid of those movies. But I was fighting it. Boy was I ever. For probably 2 weeks I said “no way; I just got them; there’s nothing wrong with them; I’m keeping them; I’ll just shut out this voice until it goes away”.

Meanwhile I began to write a song. A song I first started calling “I Am Free In You” but would later call “Captured Again”. I wanted the song to be honest. How many times have I been in a worship service singing away but thinking about something completely different? I think that must happen to everyone. It’s about taking captive every thought. But its also about the natural overflow of what we REALLY love. The words flowed out as I sat and played at our old little piano in our apartment. “My mind keeps wandering, Lord, to other things I adore. Come again and capture me.” ”My life’s pursuits can all be so often centered on me, let my first love burn.” There’s the problem, now how about what I WANT to be free to do instead… “In my heart, there’s a longing for the glory of The Lord” …”I want to stand in Your presence in all of your glory and worship at your feet”

As these words and music came I found myself writing what I knew I needed to do right now in my life, and, based on God’s word and character what I knew would happen if I did. Maybe I was preaching to myself: "And as I lay down my idols and reach out for You I am free... And you come with mercies from heaven, like I’ve never dreamed of, and shower me with grace. And as the earth fades away I am captured again in Your face.”  And when I was done I got up and continued being disobedient! Thinking: “perhaps the song will work nicely, but I want to keep my movies.”

About a week later I got a letter from a friend and mentor of mine. He was selling everything he had and going to the mission field. God had told him to do it. In the letter though, he talked about how God had told him to sell all of his possessions and move into someone’s guest room 2 years ago. He had begun to obey, but stopped short and didn’t go through with it all the way. As a result he had been feeling a wall between him and God for the past 2 years. When he asked God one day why, he felt the Holy Spirit say to him, “What was the last thing I told you to do?” It was “sell everything and move into someone’s guesthouse.” Then a missionary pastor visited his church and had a word from God for my friend. Not knowing my friend, the pastor said to him, “God is saying to you that if you continue to touch the things I have told you not to touch I’m going to cut off your hands.” He then offered to have my friend come back to the mission field with him and stay in his guest room! Who knows how literally God meant that, but my friend finally listened! And the obedience opened up the windows of blessing over his life.

It was so ironic when this letter came to me. I knew it was something God was saying to me as well. I had sensed the same wall between myself and God for 2 weeks. It was my disobedience. You never want to out-wait that still small voice. You’ll miss it when it’s gone. And when you ask for it back, the Holy Spirit always come back to our last point of disobedience. The last thing he had told me to do was get rid of my DVD collection. I finally gave in, and wrapped them up to be given away. No credit to me. I had to have my arm twisted -hard!

Well let me tell you, all of the sudden there was an open sky again! How freeing it is when you don’t have any lingering issues of disobedience! The back-half of my song became true in my life. God began to manifest himself in His mercies from heaven and every area of my life began to work better immediately. The Holy Spirit began to touch the kids in our youth group; I preached better, led worship better, pastored better. Was it me? Nope. It was the anointing greasing the wheels. I sang the song in church and immediately found it struck a chord in people’s hearts. It quickly became a favorite in our church and seemed to lead people to a place of conviction and then surrender, drawing people to the altar in the worship times. (Again, no credit to me) God wrote it, God uses it. Praise God. He used all of this both to teach ME something and to produce a song that hopefully he’ll be able to use to touch even more people. He really is cool that way.

Bottom line, we all only have only so much room in our lives; only so much time and energy; only so much attention to give. When we lay down some of our time, energy, and pursuits long enough to take a good look at Him -to taste and see that He is good- we realize how much better He is than everything else. The things of earth grow strangely dim in His light. We fall in love with Him again, and that’s what it’s all about.